I used to love the fall. It was my favorite season for a lot of good things. I had my birthday in October. There was Halloween to look forward to. The NFL season was going to start.
These were all good things! Until I got to my 30s or so. My birthday became hell. Halloween no longer involved trick or treating or fun parties. But lucky for me, the NFL is still entertaining. I can enjoy something every Sunday for a few months. At the very least I have that going for me.
However, even that is starting to bother me. All the NFL season does now is remind me of my entire life of NFL seasons. I remember things as if they were yesterday, and they are most definitely not yesterday. Not even close. For example…
- Super Bowl Shuffle. This was a wonderful music video from a team I really did not care about. But the music video was funny to a 9-year-old. The Super Bowl Shuffle is now almost 40 years old. The coolest thing about the video is they made the thing before they even won the damn Super Bowl. That is calling your shot, man. I respect it.
- Barry Sanders was my favorite player, like most teens in Metro Detroit. Barry Sanders retired early, because he was sick of the BS of the Detroit Lions, like most people in Detroit. Barry Sanders retired 25 years ago. That is a long time, man. I’d like to pretend it isn’t, but it is. There are doctors right now who were 5 when he retired and don’t even remember the dude. I picked doctor because it takes a long time to become a doctor. Which is good. It keeps people like me out of the profession, and I am kinda clever but super lazy. You do not want me as your doctor.
- The Patriots won their first Super Bowl in February of 2002. I always used this game as a marker that I am not that old. Tom Brady and Bill Belichick won the game. They are still balling! I am not that old. They stopped balling recently. I am that old.
This should not depress me. I waited for MTV to play the Super Bowl Shuffle video when I got home from school. I saw the Patriots go from league-wide toolboxes to a very good team. I got to see all this stuff. I am currently seeing the Lions become what might become a very good team. This should make me happy. None of this is making me happy.
You know what phrase is a complete and total lie? Don’t be sad it’s over, be glad it happened. It is something your mom might say when you go home from Disney World. It was kind of a lie then, it’s kind of a lie now. Sure, as you get older, you are glad things happened, and you’re sad they are over, but…the over part is much worse than any gladness you have because it happened. And things get really over, really quickly as you hit the wrong side of 40.
Unfortunately, there is also the fact that many more things are over for you than will happen to you, if that makes any sense. Which is an unpleasant reality to live in if you think about it. Therefore, I try not to think about it too often. You have things to look back on. And they are good! But you have less to look forward to. Am I looking forward to the Lions kicking off next year? Yep. Do I know all that means is I am one year older and closer to the nursing home? Yep.
This post turned more negative than I intended. You can rest assured I am not looking for a bridge to jump off. Which is a bad way to do it in my opinion. Anything that gives you time to think before you smack into the ground is probably not ideal when it comes to that sort of endeavor.
In closing this extremely depressing post that somehow has The Superbowl Shuffle in it, I am reminded of a line in Succession, where Logan Roy, who was on the wrong side of 80, said he was excited for the future. The person asked if he really was, which was a logical question, because the future won’t have room for Logan Roy. He will be dead (I know that is obvious, but I wanted to spell that out for the slower folks). Logan replied by saying, it’s just something you say. Like be happy it happened, not sad it is over Is something you say. You probably do not actually believe it. These are things you say to avoid talking about loss or unhappy thoughts. Be it a Disney vacation or dying.
I am both happy and sad about the NFL season being over. I am happy about all the seasons I got to see. Heck, I could conceivably see forty more of them. But unlike when I was 9 years old watching the Super Bowl Shuffle, I do not feel like I am sure I am going to see those 40 seasons. I am not confident I will ever see the Lions win the Super Bowl. My old standby of “They gotta win eventually!” is still true, but there is no guarantee I will be alive to see it.
Anyway, this is depressing. I usually like to write about fun tv or things my dog did. Look at this photo of Sunny Marshmallow to cheer you up.
